11 Observations from under a haircut

So, cut off my long hair last August -- so looking decidedly un-hippy these days. (And in case you were going to ask, I cut it off because it was too hot in the summer time and annoying when doing anything in the great outdoors. Briars caught in it and woodland creatures nested in it...) Here's what I've noticed since losing my long, flowing locks:  

1) I get better seats in restaurants.  

2) People tell me I look younger.  

3) Random women no longer play with my hair in line at Dunkin' Donuts or Starbucks. 4) I don't get friendly nods from other guys with beards and pony-tails these days. I think we were an informal club.  

5) People are less likely to shout "Sasquatch!" and take blurry photos of me as I pass. 6) No one asks me if I have any weed to sell any more.  

7) My students think I'm meaner than I used to be.  

8) My receding hairline is no longer receding. Conclusion: tying my hair back was making me lose hair.  

9) I have to trim my beard more often or I look like Crazy-Hillbilly-Guy.  

10) So far I'm out almost three hundred dollars in haircuts.

11) My Jesus-Pez-dispenser impression is much less funny than it once was.