I'm not responsible for:

grade inflation, Piltdown Man, prions, Oscar Mayer Lunchables, cane toads, spray tans, urban myths, cold scrambled eggs, Immanuel Velikovsky, Shark Week, interrupted naps, insolent seagulls, sarcosuchus, the extinction of sarcosuchas, salespeople who have read Dale Carnegie, the Borgias, high fructose corn syrup, humidity, the sedan that is tailgating you, and ringtones that play "Tequila."